HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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