Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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