did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
