It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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