I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
