Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
