Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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