If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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