My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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