I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
