hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You ate ashes out of my bong
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
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