Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
