i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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