Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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