Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
