Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize