i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
