Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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