Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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