Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
