Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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