i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
