ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
