You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
