i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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