he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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