She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
