I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
