there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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