pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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