i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
