Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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