There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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