question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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