I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't turn off my feet"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
