Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
