You smell like stripper and shame
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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