I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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