I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
