Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i already hear my dad disowning me
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
