It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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