why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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