john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
