you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We need to get me chipped asap
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
