There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
