Cold hands, warm shart.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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