If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
