You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
