i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
