when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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