I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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