Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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