miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
