well I can't set my house on fire every night
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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