Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
