Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
