shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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