1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
