My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
