fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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