that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
